Reflections
by morchaint
Summary: Mandos reflects, mostly on Feanor. Short piece, please review constructive criticism welcome.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's works I'm just borrowing them and I'm not making any money off of this  
  
Summary: Mandos reflects  
  
Author's Note: Mandos doesn't get the credit he deserves. He may be the Vala of Death and Judgment but he's still (for lack of better phrase) one of the good guys. In other words I'm saying that the guy is proof that death is not necessarily evil, and that darkness is not necessarily evil. I'm assuming that Elves can be released from Mandos, when they serve their time in the Halls, and given back a body so they can live in Aman. Deals with Feanor mostly.  
  
  
  
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Reflections  
  
  
  
I see their faces, I see their pain, their fears, desires, hopes, dreams, the very essences of their spirit and soul. Everything is revealed to me. Many in my Halls are innocent, they should be living happy lives, but what is happy in these times?  
  
I was given the knowledge, wisdom, of what is yet to come but I remain silent. Eru made me the Judge of all that Die, but none die. Souls and Spirits live on, even if their bodies may perish, they endure, the essence of them endures. The memories are all there, their accomplishments and their failures, all covers are shed and all is revealed. Life and Death, what is the difference? For everything lives and souls do not die.  
  
I may not be the most powerful, yet I was gifted or cursed with dealing out Death and Judgment, but judgment requires knowledge and that I have. Knowledge of comings and goings and knowledge of what is yet to come but not all. None but Eru himself can know all, for Eru is all. We are created, and all is made by the One. Through us He does his will, or are we just here? For He does as He wishes and we have no power over it.  
  
The Firstborn, I saw their fate. I saw the pain that they would have to endure and I saw the future sorrows that were bestowed upon them. Everything I saw came to pass, and all that I see will come to pass, I do not question what was given me. For I am one of the many thoughts of Eru Iluvatar and I will do what I am here for.  
  
For long had we, the Valar, held council of the Firstborn in the Beginning. Yavanna and Orome had brought troubling news to us of the Outer Lands and Yavanna spoke of Melkor and of the darkness. She asked if we would leave the land desolate and full of evil, she asked would we have light while they were in darkness and she asked if we would allow them to call Melkor lord while Manwe sits upon Taniquetil. But Tulkas wanted to make war, he thought that we had rested from strife for too long and asked if Melkor would contest with us forever.  
  
At the bidding of Manwe I spoke, I told them that the Children would come in that age indeed, but not then. I told them that it was doom that they shall come in darkness and shall look first upon the stars and that Varda would they call at need.  
  
All that I said had come true, for I saw it coming. The Dooms of both children I knew, for He speaks with me in ways I know not. I do not know if he speaks thus with the others but I hear the echo within me, as if I knew things and sometimes my voice was not mine own.  
  
After the battle with Melkor we were in council again, most wanted the Quendi to enter Aman, and some believed that the Children should be left to themselves to roam freely about Middle-earth. I stayed silent, for I knew no matter which side I chose the 'Doom' would still come. The Quendi would arrive, I knew, and I also saw the Doom that would come with them. With our decision the Fate of Arda was made, no matter how much one tried to change that Fate it would still come. Everything has already been bound to the Music, the Music holds all of our Fates and Destinies.  
  
I listened in silence as Ulmo said that the Children should be left upon Middle-earth, and with their gifts and skills order all the lands and heal their hurts. But most others feared for the Quendi, they feared that they would be kept in the dangerous world, but foremost, they were filled with love for the Children and desired their fellowship. At the end the Quendi were summoned to Valinor.  
  
I knew what would come, and I knew that the first summons would not have been made had the rest of the Valar knew what would come. For we loved the Children and hoped ever for their well-being, but they did not know and I broke my silence saying, 'So it is doomed.' I did not and would not say more, for who am I to mess with Eru's will and Fate? Even if I did say more, the Quendi would have been summoned anyways for we all loved them and the others at the council did not truly understand Fate as I do. I was born with this understanding, as the others were born with their own understandings that I cannot begin to comprehend.  
  
As the Children crossed Middle-earth they divided. Some chose to remain and others continued the journey. The remaining and the arrived would both suffer. All was well until Melkor was released, in Melkor was darkness unexplainable a hatred and desire that no one but he and Eru could ever understand. He was brought before me and I gave judgment with Manwe, I knew that whatever punishment was bestowed upon him he would not change, only his hatred would grow.  
  
I saw Miriel, the first wife of Finwe and the mother of Feanor, as I saw her spirit I found none of the former fire that burned within her, all of it spent or all of it given. Her son Feanor had received that fire and within him it burned and grew. With the fire of his mother and fire he created himself he became one of the greatest of the Noldor and of all the Elves. But through that fire he destroyed all that could have been, but could have been? Our Fates have already been decided, many have questioned why Iluvatar gives us pain. I ask myself the same question, for my Halls grow with each passing year. Pain, I believe that He gives us pain so we can learn of our own mistakes and learn lessons, for what other way will they listen? Words they may heed but they do not understand.  
  
  
  
Feanor then created the Silmarils, and in them held the light of the Two Trees, the Silmarils appeared beautiful but they are terrible in their own right. Varda had hallowed the Silmarils so that impure hands could not touch them without pain, event through the hallowing Fate could not change itself.  
  
When Melkor was released I knew Ulmo saw past him and Tulkas would clench and unclench his fists and I gave no sign of my worries nor did any ask of my opinion of which I was glad.  
  
Melkor spread lies, he caused brother to turn against brother and friend against friend. He deceived Feanor, causing him to threaten Fingolfin, his half-brother. Being brought in front of me at the Ring of Doom I was to pronounce judgment. Feanor revealed that Melkor had played some part and Tulkas left, searching for Melkor so judgment could be pronounced upon him once again. But still Feanor must pay for his actions and was not found guiltless, for through him peace was broken in Valinor and he had drawn sword upon his own kinsman, which was unlawful.  
  
I knew that no matter what judgment I pronounced the 'Doom' had already begun. So I proclaimed his doom, so small a punishment for a great deed that was yet to take place. But I knew that the cut was deep, and there was nothing that any one of us could change. His doom was that he would leave Tirion for twelve years for that was where the curse and threat were uttered. In some hope I had wished that Feanor would look into himself and forget his stubbornness for but a while. But no the Doom had already started. For Fingolfin had forgiven Feanor but the fire within him would not accept that forgiveness out loud. He dwelt in Formenos with his sons and his father Finwe came with him. There in Formenos the Silmarils were kept.  
  
But Melkor hid and he sought out Ungoliant, and with her the Two Trees died and their light lost. My sister Nienna wept for Telperion and Laurelin but I wept within me, for I knew what was to come.  
  
Feanor decided to go to Middle-earth and make war with Melkor, Morgoth as he named him. On the very shores of Valinor the first Kinslaying began at Alqualonde.  
  
When they had come upon the borders of the empty waste of Araman, which were mountainous, and cold I decided to appear before them, the tales say that the voice, my voice, sounded solemn and terrible. I do not know what my voice sounded like but anger and sorrow was what I felt. I had spoken the Doom of the Noldor, a prophecy and warning I chose to give them. I had come unbidden but I knew that through this the Children would learn and would grow even through that pain.  
  
When I spoke the voice was not my own, the words had come naturally. If I were a being I might have said the words came from my heart, but I had no heart and I knew that in some way Eru was speaking to them through me in a prophecy. I had placed a curse upon them, but I would have willingly forgiven them had they repented, but they did not. I saw the group Finarfin had led head back but Feanor would not. Watching them go I knew everything was beyond my control and I went back to my Halls.  
  
Waiting in my Halls I finally saw him again, Feanor. He had died, in body and I was glad that some of the fire within him had quenched and it seemed to me that he was truly sorry. But I give out judgment, and it must be fair and just. Feanor would be the last to release and he would be kept in my Halls and for as long as Arda endures he shall remain.  
  
  
  
Watching all of these souls I wish that they would be freed, I wished that Arda marred would be unmade so their souls could be freed. But I knew the pain that would come with it, the Last Battle, and I wished that I did not know so much.  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
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A/N: I think I made Mandos know too much, would this be considered slight AU? I don't really know. I honestly hope I got the history accurate, I have the Silmarillion right next to me and I followed it as I wrote this so it should be right. Mandos is too under appreciated. I might do other elfies other than Feanor, hmmm..  
  
Please Review, Constructive Criticism welcome. *ducks from rotten Middle-earth tomatoes being thrown at her* 


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